“I just don’t know and I am clear that I don’t know, and that is a world of difference from being confused.
I am not confused, I just don’t know”.
There have been a thousand and one times that I have known what I am doing, who I am being, and what I am up to.
And there have been a million more times when I’ve had no clue and it’s uncomfortable.
Isn’t that lovely.
But what I have noticed is that most people numb out their inner wisdom, so as not to hear any of the internal muck that is going on within.
But the thing is, the noise is still there.
It’s just covered with so much more noise and distraction that it never comes to surface, or rarely does but it is still acting upon them, creating an anxiousness.
It’s uncomfortable to say, “I don’t know what in the world I am doing”.
People want certainty in life.
People love wearing their uniforms and vocations.
We love to say, “I am a professor, entrepreneur, writer, artist, student, coach, scientist, explorer, traveler, PhD, real estate developer, boyfriend, girlfriend, husband to, wife of… I am something goddamit!”
People want to be able to call you a name, label you, and we want that same thing for ourselves and others as well.
It’s quite human.
And that aspect of our human-ness is often difficult to deal with, ‘not knowing’.
That is why we tell lies to ourselves.
Said in a more pleasurable way, “we are playing a gargantuan game of make believe, but we often don’t realize it, so we must make everything seem sensible, by making up stories, to make what we are doing appear to be reasonable and sane”.
It’s not that we are lying to ourselves, but it is.
In fact, we are always creating reasons for the reasons that we are doing whatever it is we may be doing.
It’s terribly difficult just to do what you do without there ‘needing’ to be a reason or explanation.
It’s like you can’t go for a stroll just because.
No, it has to be “I am going for a stroll because I need to relax and let go, to take a break from blah blah blah”.
It’s as if everything has to be justified, otherwise, you feel guilty about it, like you are wasting time..
When was the last time you did something just for Shits and Giggles?
Try it on and see what happens.
Do things for a while without them having to be a means to an end to something else.
It’s incredibly freeing.
But watch out because you might start dropping your incessant need to justify everything you do, even to yourself.
Professor Emeric Damian Thorpe,
You are a badass. You have made choices. You will make more choices. Your choosing is your freedom.
I believe in you and I am certain you can, if you choose to. It’s beautiful to be, to be you, to be you as you are or as you wish to be.