|
Have you ever had months on end when you were so at ease to not be around people, to hide away from civilization, staying quite and withdrawn, a hedonist taking a reprieve from passing human pleasures? No desire for humanity…. No need to speak to another person… From April 27th until the 17th of October or there about it seemed my way. Five months spent wrapped up in peace, in nothingness, running alone along the river, sipping coffee mostly alone on the deck by the pond, floating alone in daytime dreams. There were a few rare moments. I went out to lunch three times, once to a Russian, twice to Mexcian. I had a minute to burn one day so I stopped by a cafe and instantly left. Went to a venue for an hour one evening to support my spirit brother’s band at the Shredder, ear plugs pressed against the brain and enjoyed seeing him thrive. You know me well enough to know that I love people, but sometimes life gifts you time alone. So sweet it is when it wants to be. Then it shifted. For no reason of my own making, for no reason that one might see, the desire came upon me. So, I found myself sitting at the co-op where I buy apples, cosmic crisps, writing, drinking a mocha, and satisfying a desire to float amongst other constellations. My favorite thing to do, sit at a café, write the enivronment into existence, while watching creatures meander about, the bipeds, the curious beings, forever fascinating and so often adorable in their ways. It seems to have triggered a reaction in me. Perhaps it lasts, perhaps not. …free to roam, you and I… Have you ever felt guilty about withdrawing from the human circuis, feelings I understand, as that ‘shoulding’ sensation arises, seeking to asphyxiate freedom like it’s a disease, a threat to be vaccinated to safe guard the culture’s consesnus of what’s ‘proper’ and ‘right’. “Why live when you can just exist?” Existence is for the people, living is for those other rare souls, saved for the movies, the story books, the heros and heroines, for wild ones, for misfifts the family has forgotten. Existence is a given, of course, but life… You have to choose to live. Maybe that is a bit much on my behalf, maybe it is actually quite rare, to truly live. Both are fine paths, I suppose. I don’t beleive that. If it were true then why is it that you need to defend your choices, your way in life? Do you ever find yourself justifying your choices, even if it is only to yourself, weighing the pros and cons, making deals with yourself. It’s comical really, beautifully human to do so. Look into it for yourself. In truth most of our choices, our wants, are bolstered with stories, with confabulations. Layer after layer of reasoning, of cause and effect, of illusory narrations disolving under the eye of truth, the little ‘t’ truth, as it too is ephemeral, making an appearance when your attention is placed upon an inquiry into the nature of your choices. Isn’t it all made up to make us feel better, to justify our existence, our todays and tommorows. I wonder what life feels like when there is never a need for justication, never a desire to articulate a reason for doing whatever you choose to do. Fate… Destiny… Freedom to believe in freedom… The will to say no thank you to the well trodden ruts that others have laid their life upon, so that you might discover a life of your own… Enchantments that call forth your faith in faith, as faith transforms thoughts and thoughts transform behaviors, and new behaviors create a different experience of reality, a revelation and a restoration of the sensorium, the life force… Possibly maybe… Who can say for certain, certainly not me. I guess you will have to find out for yourself, like the rest of us, as we keep exploring the way that isn’t until it unveils the way that is. Be blessed, stay beautiful, stay sexy, stay as you wish, [ MysticMonday is a mysterious contemplation for your day, an awakening for you, a way to start your week with a view toward all that is beautiful and good, even that which is not. ] |