What I am going to say, what I wish to share with you, if I do my job well, will transform your relationship to everything, to your life, to your self, and thus with other humans and non-human animals alike.
It’s a grand statement to make, because it is a lie.
I can’t transform your life, though I can.
These words are for you to discover for yourself, what I know to be absolutely so.
But my knowing, my experience, is mine.
You must find out for yourself.
Here it is as plain as I can say it.
“You create others by the way you listen to them and thus, you create yourself as well.”
“The way you listen, is your way of speaking, both with words and without.”
“You can listen to another as you already believe them to be, whether they are or aren’t as you believe; you can listen for something you wish might be so, whether it is or isn’t; you can listen to the possibility of life unfolding in a mysterious beautiful way; you can listen to another and create them as you listen. Mirror mirror on the wall…”
The way you listen to yourself, will create your relationship with yourself, and your relationship with your self, is the only relationship you will ever have, the only relationship you can ever have, even as you are in relation to others, as others are always you.
That last paragraph…
You see, I said I would give it to you simple and as straight as I can, but then, it just flows from me, as if it’s not me, speaking through me.
You know me well enough to know, what is easy to say, to do, to live, is never simple, as easy is too simple and simple is too easy, so we must make it more complex.
Let me put it differently.
Tonight I was in conversation with a few coaches, life coaches, spiritual coaches, coaches’s coaches.
And a question came up, something like, “What bells and notifications usually go off in your mind, when you are listening to your clients? What are you listening for?”
…and the answers varied…
…but they were in rough alignment, all along the lines of, we listen for “false assumptions, limiting beliefs, negative self talk, judgements of others, worry, misplaced anxiety… etc..”
These are all goods things to be aware of, indeed and I will point these things out too, but none of these can ever be what we should be listening for.
Do you known why?
We are going to find what we listen for, even if it may not be there, even if it is, even though it may simply disappear upon listening.
And I share this with you because, what was implicit, in what they were sharing, is one of the things I find most deplorable in relationships, even though it can be absolutely helpful to attend to, yet, it’s deplorable to me, when people are listening for other peoples ‘garbage’, ‘foibles’, ‘hypocrisy’, ‘poopy doopy’, and crap.
It’s like everyone is playing a game of “GOTCHA! You fucked up and now I am going to tell you all about how shitty you are, how incapable, how lazy, how narcissistic, how overbearing, how sad…” Whatever it may be.
Listening is the most difficult thing to do, so deaf we are. It’s easy and that’s what makes it so hard.
My profession, you see, is an art form, because I have to be aware of everything I have shared with you above; yet, it’s not what I listen for, ever, even though at times I have, so guilty I am, of everything that one might be guilty of, so hyperbolic and dramatic I can be, forgive me.
What I listen for, even in my imperfection, is the beautiful realizations that you will have when you start listening to yourself, and then when you listen to yourself again, but with a different mind for hearing, sensing, feeling, and loving what it is that is flowing through you, and then when you listen again, knowing that the way you listen is the way you create, as your listening is speaking your being, into being who you are.
That is why I listen to you as the possibility you posses even though you may not know it.
However, what I primarily listen for is the experience of you discovering how unnecessary it is for you to be anything other than you are, as you are in this moment right now.
It’s the greatest experience to experience… Once you get that… Then the pleasures of listening shift again.
…as you create from that space of needing nothing, while having it all, as you wish…
That is my great gift in life, to listen to all of it, to hear the mystery, to allow for grace, to embrace the emptiness and meaninglessness that threads through life…
And then to turn around and reflect back to all of those who are near and far, the serenity of simply being.
It’s easy, which is why it’s not simple, nor hard, nor complex, nor easy…
Hugs and love you sexy gorgeous human being,
May you have what you want in life and may what you want in life be in alignment with your highest values, and may you thus be fulfilled in having what you want.