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A Random Spot, Dear Love, To flatter them or not… The magnificent storyteller and spiritual master, Anthony De Mello, would enrapture his audience with parables of Jesus, of Buddha, or saints and sinners, of people of all walks of life… Just as you felt comfortable with his words, he would look you in the eyes, take a breath and say, “You know, you are an ass, I am an ass, we are all assess. No, really we are all asses”. And then he would laugh. I think that was one of his favorite moments in his talks. He was speaking about the way we humans think we know what we are doing. We believe we are in control. We think we are awake and aware, but we aren’t. A few days ago at the gelado shop called Fini, here in Sesimbra, I met up with a friend to talk about life. He kept mentioning how he was more of a stick man, then a carrot man. You know the saying people are motivated either by the carrot or the stick, the stick being the tool that the rider or master of the donkey uses to whack the ass of the donkey. Now, my friend mentioned this three or four times, about having some fetish for getting whipped, for being more of a stick man, unfortunately. The carrot or the stick, the stick or the carrot, pain or pleasure… Well, I was thinking about this, and he wasn’t wrong in what he was saying as he knows himself plenty well. And there was one thing he certainly was correct about, we are all asses to some extent, more or less. And even though I was asking another question, pointing in another direction, that way of seeing the world as either a carrot or stick way of being, was the only option available, but… Why not hold a different perspective? Why not try on a shift in experiencing oneself? Why not ask, if I am an ass can’t I at least be a free ass without an owner whipping me with a stick or torturing me with a carrot that I can never attain? I know this isn’t an easy option to hold upon our mind. Most will argue that we are always motivated by pleasure or pain. Yes we often are. So what… In truth the carrot and the stick are not representative of pleasure, only the illusion of a future pleasure because it is always held out just enough in front of you that you think you just might reach it, but you never do, and the stick is only made to drive you forward into another whipping, plenty of pain. So, if one is an ass, be an ass, but be a free ass… Wander in the fields. Eat of its abundance. Frolic upon your follies and then drop the stick from the hand that is your whip. God if you only knew how much of an ass I am, how screwy and wonderful, and turned about I become from time to time… Yet, the fields I eat from are wonderfully divine, even when I am not. And I am not, quite often. Stay sexy, stay beautiful, stay as you wish for you are it, p.s. Would you like to take on the creation of your year, deep diving for a three hour session, of pure imagination and play, while creating your year ahead… Enlivening your being with possibility and the power of a vision so strong, it turns you on every time you catch its glimpse. This isn’t for everyone, as most have their lives going as they wish it to be. But for the adventurous seeker, who seeks greater knowing and wants to get more life out of life. You can join me for a one time main session and two micro sessions, one on one, you and me, looking at who you are being, what you want, what might get in your way from creating it, and what do do when you feel resistance as you go for it, because you will Additionally there are two topics that will amplify our conversation, Being and Becoming, because many people create their future from a place of not liking themselves as they are right now. We will look at that. Second, is what I call the gift. The gift will empower you to understand the freedom that comes from letting other people say yes or no to any of your requests, and thus, the reverse becomes even more powerful for you too, that is more power and freedom to ask others for whatever it is you desire. A lack of vision keeps people feeling stuck.. I imagine, if you join me you will have a few questions and desires of your own that you would like to explore with me as well. Bring those to the conversation. It’s a one time payment of $500, there are no refunds and as you are already familiar with me, you know that I live to serve beauty, truth and awe-mazing… That means I like to enjoy myself so you shall too. Note: this is not about resolutions or empty wishes. It’s about your heart’s true desires and the willingness to imagine and allow for you to have what you want. There’s so much more… Reply to this email and walk into a world of pure creation with me… p.p.s. My friend, who moves with wisdom, of his 84 years stopped by the table I sat at this morning. We had spoken over coffee an hour earlier than he continued his walk, and I continued to write. He passed again on his way back, crossing the street from the beachside to the cafe table where I sat writing, standing with the sun at his back and I in his shadow, he said, “Emeric, listen to your soul. Don’t ignore your soul. You must hear it.” He turned and walked away as I mumbled a yes. You know, listening to your soul, your spirit, whatever you might call that voice that is often so faint, and too often ignored, is the most challenging work there is, yet it is the work that matters most. Let me make an ass of faith, so faith can freely make an ass of me, and I will be forever grateful, although I already am. The Life Force… Stay beautiful my beautiful friend. |
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Café Avilion, After Dear Love, Yesterday, I shared with you a perspective, a way of looking at the self as something not so real if you will. Today, I want to give you another perspective. You are you. I wish I could give you the gift of being 100% who you are, free and unabashedly yourself. No one can do that for you but I will go for it anyways. And I want to do that by speaking to your heart. But first let me set the mood, I am sitting outside one of my favorite writing cafe’s. My old lady friend stuck her head out of her door and said hello. Her door is five steps away from the table I am sitting at. It’s to the left in the video. The breeze is gentle and incredibly comfortable for November. Dirty Dancing is playing in the background. What else is there to say? So much more… There’s something within you that moves beyond all the constructs of yourself, beyond that voice that never stops chitter chattering. It’s so much who you truly are that if you go against its best interest, it will rebel by making you feel as if something is wrong with your life. It’s quiet and also loud but it doesn’t speak English, Portuguese, or Chinese. It speaks Greek. No it doesn’t… It doesn’t speak with words. It makes itself felt. It is your heart speaking to you, your spirit if you will. Have you ever had anyone tell you that you need to get out of your head and into your heart? What do you think they mean by that? I don’t think most people have a clue about what it means. Most likely they mean, “You are not doing and behaving how I want you to. Change!” You see, living from the heart isn’t a useful phrase unless you already know what it means. Here is a meaning that I think is more direct : Fully Embody Your Lived Experience, free of your thinking mind. Live with heart. In an email I sent you some weeks ago, months maybe, I spoke of living a life with heart, walking a path with heart. “All paths lead to the same place, nowhere. But the path with heart is a completely different lived experience to nowhere”. That is a paraphrase from Carlos Castenda’s “Don Juan”. One reason I am so adamant with you, so strong in having a conversation about who you are and why you are here in this world… And why I am continually going on and on about that voice that pretends to be you even though it isn’t… Is for this very reason, I want you to know yourself and I want you to be fully alive as you make your way, traveling your path, being true to your “Heart”. But how does one do that? I will not give you a how. You see, I don’t know what it means to be spiritual, to be completely free, to be liberated, to live life solely from the heart. I have had many glimpses and it feels that I am living from that space and place of beingness, often, more than most so I’ve been told. But who really knows. Nonetheless, I believe it is one of the reasons I can embrace death and all the feelings most people hate to face and it’s why I can be in complete joy and a simple ecstasy as well. It is why I can talk openly of suicide and the will to live, about beauty and the ugliness that exists within me and within you… We contain it all. We are immense. Laughing while crying… I want to verify a few of my ideas and I want your help. I’d love for you to respond to this email and tell me what you mean when you say, “You need to live with more heart” or however you might phrase it. Also, I want to work with you as part of a transformational experiment to live with and from the heart. It is not a coaching program or any kind of program at all, it’s an ongoing deep dive into experimenting and experiencing, confronting and embracing, emotional intensity while opening your heart to live a fully embodied creative life. I am talking about the art of existence, the art of being you, of freeing you to live fully as yourself. You must know that I will not tell you what to do or how to do it. You are incharge of that. You are the one who has to be willing to play and to live in the question. I want you to go with me into a world of Not Needing To Know… Imagine, if you will, being so unafraid of life that you could fully embrace the unknown with a few simple words, “I don’t know, but let’s find out.” I don’t know what my life would be like if I allowed myself to…. I don’t know how I would do that… I don’t know if it will work… I don’t know how to love completely… Let’s find out. Stay sexy, stay wild, stay beautiful, stay as you wish… www.EmericDamian.com/love-romp p.s. I will be exploring the idea of living from ‘Heart”, from full embodied experiences of life. Here are some words to run through your mind: Avoidance, Ignoring, Emotional Intensity, Embodied, Feelings, Thoughts, Self, Spirit, Intuition, Insight, Fear, Doubt, Anxiety, Power, Love, Openness, Compassion… Unconditional kindness to yourself… Life is difficult, but so damn beautiful it would be a shame to miss living. p.p.s. I was gathered with two friends today, and we were speaking of stress, of ageing, when she said, the month has gone by as if it was just a day, then he said, my mother, said to me yesterday that one day she was 60, she blinked her eyes and was 76. He just turned 60. I love you so much. You might not believe me, but even in writing these words to you a tear welled up in my left eye. So ridiculous, só beleza. Here’s a link to the video… |
Ocean waves blue,
Sky is too,
Written at Petiscos do ‘I forget’,
23rd October 2024,
Sesimbra, Portugal
Dear Love,
Today I was feeling particularly lonely.
I went for a walk as I do. then I took a swim in the ocean. Incredible isn’t it. Bu yet, that feeling that holds on, that kind of loneliness for life that is nearly impossible to satiate wrapped around me
It is so unpleasant.
But there it is sinking into me. Paradoxically, I feel so light today almost too light that I keep wanting to be grounded or anchored, tied to something or someone. This lightness has been almost too much to bare as well. There is a purification taking place.
Sometimes I walk in circles, don’t know where I want to go, don’t know where I want to sit, so I meander, I turn like an animal searching for a spot to lie down.
Now I know if I just distract myself long enough this feeling would go away as it does, but it didn’t want to go away and I didn’t want it to leave until it was through with me. So there I was walking, feeling the loneliness of my moment, passing people in the street, the breeze passing by me, and as I walked by the Indian restaurant a fly buzzed my face. I continued on toward one of my favorite writing spots.
There was a dog sitting outside tethered to a woman, a very kind woman. I said hello then entered the petiscos,, there was great music playing, always 80’s, I think the owner is a drummer. Rosanna on the audio system, war on the television, contradictions everywhere.
I ordered a coffee then headed outside.
A fly landed on my face as I sat down at the table.
I laughed as I accepted this little gesture of life touching me, a miniature hug and some gift left on my nose. One of my Buddhist teachers spoke of her affection for the little creatures that visit her during her solo retreats, her affection increasing as her time in retreat increases. We get company everywhere.
It’s a gesture of kindness how a little thing like that can wake you up. So with gratitude, I watched the feelings and my own aversion to those feelings of loneliness that can’t be satiated, that just are. I think it carries death with it, whatever death is.
Meanwhile on the street which you can see in the photo, a woman walks her mother home, two older women, one much older barely moving but moving well enough and her daughter 70 or so years, looking good.
There are many older women in my view today, a few with their heads bobbing in and out of their windows, three right in front of me hanging their laundry.
Loneliness…
I once had a brief friendship with a woman, who was so lonely that when things were not going the way she wanted between us, that in her last message to me, she wished me to feel such loneliness that my face melted. I wish I kept that message. The last sentence said, ‘but I still appreciate you’. That’s a funny kind of love.
God how I understood her, felt her, even wished to console her as a friend but she didn’t want a friend.
It is curious, that because I am me, most people I know think I haven’t experienced the kind of loneliness that steals years of life from you. But I have. I suppose it is one of the reasons why I wasn’t disturbed by her wish for me to experience the despair of loneliness, instead I empathized with her, perhaps she has yet to come to know that what she was feeling never truly leaves, we are all consumed by the ‘eternal loneliness’.
Perhaps that is also the key to liberation in life, to recognize what is and isn’t and to still play the game in spite of the knowing.
Happiness, loneliness, joy and despair, similar lovers, tangled affairs…
If loneliness exists then its opposite must exist too. Whatever that may be…
Curiously, I can’t think of an antonym for loneliness; none of the words that come to mind are truly not loneliness.
Moving through space and time…
Maybe that is one of the gifts of getting older, you remember sooner than later that your feelings will pass, that none of them are real, that you aren’t your feelings. That your desire not to feel what you feel causes more suffering than simply being with the feelings or allowing them to dissipate as they do. Well, I understood that ages ago, before I was ‘getting older’, so that is a bit of a lie. Consolation, perhaps…
Many of these feelings, if understood, are signs of purification, they are positive movements of understanding, of clarifying the true nature of the mind. It’s one of the gifts of your agitations. That I have come to realize with age.
Unfortunately most people can’t take the facing so they turn toward distractions and that doesn’t assist in the realization, which is understandable as well. It’s a long process. Circular suffering is circular until you see it and then use it for what it can be used for. I like circles.
Laughing while crying!
All so magnificently human…
I want to share with you this point one more time, your attitude toward your suffering can transform the suffering. Maybe that is why people often misinterpret my suffering as being non-existent, when in fact, I am simply interpreting it differently than most.
For me, it is a sign of progress. This is true alchemy.
While I am sitting here writing these words to you, a wonderfully wrinkled woman walked out of her door, stepping past the floating laundry that hangs from her window. And as we smiled at each other I said, “O dia está lindo, é maravilhoso. The day is beautiful; it is marvelous.” She smiled at me and pointed her finger waving it like a magic wand and said, “Sim, é verdade, e amanhã vai ser ainda melhor. Yes it is true, and tomorrow is going to be even better”.
Magic, everywhere…
Emeric Damian
www.EmericDamian.com/love-romp
p.s. I was thinking about how wonderful life is, how beautiful it is and then a stranger I said hello to as I entered the cafe came and joined me.
He invited himself to sit at my table and I accepted. He asked where I was from. I said Los Angeles. Everyone gets excited when I use that answer, even though I was actually born in Santa Monica, and only there for the first year of life. We spoke English – Portuguese. He told me of his familial challenges. He said he trusted my eyes. He told me how he wished his sister in-law an unbecoming ending. I didn’t trust his eyes but I trusted my understanding of his words. Even if I wanted to be alone, the fly, the man, the lady…
Later that evening, while I was walking, a character who often sits on the beach wall at night, whom I say hello to, said to me as I passed, “Só sozinho?”. I laughed as I said, “sempre”.
Só sozinho, “Always alone”…
Sempre, “Always”…
Oh how the universe speaks to you. “Why did he say such a thing at this particular moment in time, on this evening, of this kind of day?”
You are never alone even when you are; it is somehow of you as you are of it, life.
And as for today, the tomorrow the woman spoke of, it too is an incredible day, even more beautiful than the other though both equally beautiful as the last.
Stay sexy, beautiful, as beautiful as you are as you are all of it too, life breathing itself into and for you.
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An Undisclosed Café Dear Love, Some days are just made to be silly. You know I haven’t had any Coke for 20 years or more. I’m just not a big fan of soda pop But here I am in Sesimbra at an undisclosed location, sweaty hot day. “Que forno”… Like being in an oven ( what an oven ). . The writing was flowing, hours sitting at the keyboard and I was done looking at anything non organic. I closed my computer and decided I would have a Coca Cola. Now I’m not drinking alcohol right now but I thought about how nice a glass of Vinho Verde would be today, but I really didn’t like the idea of alcohol. It was the idea of it that was attractive to me. To the counter I went to order my drink. The main bar lady was out having a cigarette so the manager asked me what I’d like and there it was falling out of my mouth, in Portuguese but in English here for you, “I’d like a Coca Cola with a slice of lemon.” She asked if I would like ice, which I accepted. I took my coke can and my empty glass of ice with its solo slice of lemon outside to stare at the blue sky while listening to the seagulls and all the teenagers pass by as they leave the beach. I’ve been thinking about this for sometime actually. One of my friend girls who I don’t speak with too much any more, loved a coca cola on particular days. It was like a shot of life force for her. You’d hear the opening of the can and then a moment later, before you took three breathes it was gone. She made it look so good. So I had been thinking about that for some time. There I sat, pulling back the tab, sweaty and hot, enjoying the feeling of the cold glass in my hand as I poured the brown liquid into my glass. To be honest the first few sips were kind of refreshing. Sweet but weird. You know in the U.S. the coke is made with high fructose corn syrup, so it was a special thing to get Mexican coke, which was made with sugar cane. That always stayed with me, how the U.S. likes to put frivolous ingredients in everything. I think we believe the more ingredients listed in that 12 o.z. can the more value we are actually getting, as if 12 oz of three ingredients is not equal to 12 oz nineteen ingredients. Anyways, I am sitting there half a glass in, as I pour the rest into my glass contemplating the flavor, the entirety of the scene, sitting on the steps, almost like I was in a commercial for soda in a red can. But suddenly this soda started tasting gross to me, artificial. Maybe that is why I stopped drinking soda eight thousand years ago. I picked up the can and saw a bit of text that said, sem açucar, no sugar. That was weird to me. It tasted sweet. And as I turned the can over in my hand, I read Coke Zero. What the… Of course it would be the artificial version of Coca Cola that the lady gave me. The universe loves to joke with us. Twenty years, not that I was abstaining from soda for any particular reason other than it’s not my favorite drink, yet… I went inside and shared the humor and her first response was, “I don’t like coke,” and I said I don’t either. She then apologized as she said she was a horrible bar girl, laughing. It’s true I thought. She was sincerely apologetic, but of course she took my money, which I planned on paying anyway. My dad would have asked me that if he was listening to me retell this story, so I am preempting him. Neither she nor I thought to look at the can to see that it wasn’t actually a Coca cola. Life is silly isn’t it. I’m glad I hadn’t been waiting 20 years to have that one can of coca cola only be served a zero sugar artificial unacceptable replacement for the real thing. Maybe there’s a life analogy in there somewhere as well. Tomorrow, I am going to have the real thing somewhere on the beach or in a café. One more thing. Usually when things like this happen they don’t happen once, but come in groupings. It was the case with this situation. I will continue on in a few days or so with the absurdity that is the ‘mindless’ human. Me being one of them too. You ever wonder why someone gives you sugar packets with your ice coffee? Is that a riddle or… What kind of joke is that… To absurd days and the simple things in life that perk your perspective, Emeric p.s. Why would I call my program on relationships something like Love Cheese? Simple, talking about love is often silly and talking about self love is sillier than that. Besides, we are way to serious sometimes speaking about this difficult things, like other people. Something about the ridiculous nature of laughing at what often isn’t laughable is so helpful, at least sometimes. You can get a look here… And if you have any questions or if you would like me to hold your hand through out let me know. I want you to have better relationships, especially with yourself. www.EmericDamian.com/love-romp The one and only program for opening your eyes and heart to the absurdity that is LOVE CHEESE and The Relationship Romp… |
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Café Spot Diving Dear Love, It’s noon and I sit in the diving mecca of Sesimbra, near the docks. Tuesday and life is calm, after the weekend rush, a Monday and Tuesday feel like a Holiday from people. Local characters sip coffee, fishermen unravel their lines from a night of fishing. Here in Portugal the fresh markets for fish are closed on Mondays because the fishermen are blessing the ocean with a day off. That is a testament to the Portuguese and their love for the waters. Of course I don’t mean to romanticize the Portuguese, because the same mass consumption of poor quality items exists here. In the big markets you can find everything all day everyday, even ‘fresh’ fish. Nonetheless… The traditions that live in the villages of Portugal and throughout spots in the cities mean so much to me. Sometimes I think humans work so not to be alone, so to be with other human animals. That there is an exchange of money and time aren’t the necessity of life but a secondary reason for working.. Look at us humans with our need for relationships… Searching… 8 years ago, at 3 a.m. in the morning, after a month and a half of visiting a friend in Portland Oregon, after moving around the west coast of the U.S. for some time, my heart hollered at me, “Go”. Go where? “Just go and let the rest unfold as it may. Pure unknowing…” I packed my bag and took an Uber to the airport. The Uber driver with dreadlocks and electric music dripping through the windows picked me up and we were off, my heart and I. No ticket, no destination, no idea… It’s been 8 years this September that I have been in Portugal. Still without a knowing, still watching the unfolding, still participating in a life that feels so foreign and yet present. I left my mind here and there in random places in Portugal, let it roam and experience other parts of my being, aspects of a self that would stay quiet, whispering in the background of my existence. So many dreams have come and gone, many relationships, pleasant and confused, experiences of wild evenings on the streets of Porto, lost spirits on the cobblestone streets of Elvas, scars on my rib cage from the rocks of Sintra, wounds on my heart from resisting love’s invitation too many times to tell. So many lives lived in such a short period of time. All contained in a memory of my mind. The dream that is your life, the coming and going of your imagination.. One of my great curiosities in life is how one moment in time you don’t know a person, then you meet them, then you become friends, lovers, whatever the case maybe, a delineation in time. Once your life was empty of this person and now they are a member of your memory, a part of your dream. What a strange affair it is, to never have known a person, then to suddenly know them. I tell you it is the strangest occurrence, if you take a moment to sit with it, to view a time before and a time after meeting whomever it may be. What a dream. There are times in my life when I try to reconcile my suffering, my confusion, when I seek to remove one way of being and to replace it with another, but that is a trick. Off in the distance on the second level of the small port building 65 meters in front of me an old man just took a pee on the wall. Yesterday ten or so imported workers were sitting in that same spot in the morning. Later that afternoon a gypsy woman walked out of the same location. And just now Jimmy the dog of the docks showed up at the cafe looking for a taste of something. Life unfolds all around us all the time, even when alone in the nothingness of it all, even while writing in a café near a marina. And so that mind of mine that wishes things were different, comes up with nonsense ideas to try to convince me it knows what we should be doing or what we should do next. It is the most curious relationship you will ever have and that is the one with yourself and particularly with your own mind. This may seem sideways as I say it, but the voice that tortures you is the same voice that tries to convince you it knows what you should be doing next, offering a remedy to the torturing thought that it is dragging you through. That voice and I have been traveling together for however long we have been discussing life’s affairs. So here we sit at a cafe in a gorgeous land, with an incredible view amongst so many lives being lived, doing the greatest work one can ever do for themselves, seeing through the mind’s lies. There is no solution to life because life is beyond solutions and solving. There’s simply an unfolding of experience and our relationship to it. And yet… I’ll save that for the next time I write to you. Emeric p.s. It’s been a while since I have shared with you. How are you doing? p.p.s. I imagine you’ve lived through 1001 stories of your own, mysteries, absurdities, and such. I imagine you’ve come to a point in life that you too have realized that you are in a relationship with everything around you, including your relationship to your relationships. Recently I put together the best material I have to take people through the experience of relating to the world in a way that is liberating and transformative and as true as one can tell. You can read more about it below. It’s mostly nonsense yet it is somehow very true. You can explore it here, my unfinished every growing masterpiece called Love Cheese and The Relationship Romp Also, you can find a picture of Jimmy dog of the docks here… p.p.s. If I ever get married or choose to have a lifelong partner or a short term partner, if I ever meet anyone who has trouble relating to other people, including their parents or children even if those children are adults, I would want them to go through the program I created, called the relationships romp and love cheese. Actually if you are an adult or some semblance of an adult human being, I want you to go through Love Cheese and the Relationships Romp, because I am biased and I want more people in the world to understand their own innate incredible nature. I can’t guarantee anything, but I think it will bring a lot of joy and awareness to your life and it will certainly bring more beauty to any and every relationship you have. But that is my opinion. You can get it here within 10 minutes. It’s not for everyone. It’s opinionated, expensive ($370), and not backed by science or any expert opinion. In fact it is almost 100% based on 50 years of me being alive and being a troublemaker. However… My experience is based on observations and truths that have been verified in conversation with too many people. I converse with everyone, and sometimes I get paid very well to do so. But like I said. I guarantee nothing and I have a zero refund policy. Because I don’t like taking responsibility for things not working out well for other people. It’s your life! I trust you! So, If you have 15 minutes a week and are bored and a bit lonely, then you will enjoy what I have for you. Go here and in 10 minutes you will be on your way… www.EmericDamian.com/Love-Romp Finally… I wrote a short story of a kind. My friends have been asking me to publish more of my material. I write every day. Anyways, if you would like to read it, reply to this message and I will send you a link to read it. |
Café Spot Diving
Sesimbra Portugal
24th July 2024,
Jimmy The Dog Of The Docks
Dear Love,
It’s noon and I sit in the diving mecca of Sesimbra, near the docks.
Tuesday and life is calm, after the weekend rush, a Monday and Tuesday feel like a Holiday from people.
Local characters sip coffee, fishermen unravel their lines from a night of fishing. Here in Portugal the fresh markets for fish are closed on Mondays because the fishermen are blessing the ocean with a day off.
That is a testament to the Portuguese and their love for the waters.
Of course I don’t mean to romanticize the Portuguese, because the same mass consumption of poor quality items exists here. In the big markets you can find everything all day everyday, even ‘fresh’ fish.
Nonetheless…
The traditions that live in the villages of Portugal and throughout spots in the cities mean so much to me.
Sometimes I think humans work so not to be alone, so to be with other human animals. That there is an exchange of money and time aren’t the necessity of life but a secondary reason for working..
Look at us humans with our need for relationships…
Searching…
8 years ago, at 3 a.m. in the morning, after a month and a half of visiting a friend in Portland Oregon, after moving around the west coast of the U.S. for some time, my heart hollered at me, “Go”.
Go where?
“Just go and let the rest unfold as it may. Pure unknowing…”
I packed my bag and took an Uber to the airport. The Uber driver with dreadlocks and electric music dripping through the windows picked me up and we were off, my heart and I.
No ticket, no destination, no idea…
It’s been 8 years this September that I have been in Portugal. Still without a knowing, still watching the unfolding, still participating in a life that feels so foreign and yet present.
I left my mind here and there in random places in Portugal, let it roam and experience other parts of my being, aspects of a self that would stay quiet, whispering in the background of my existence.
So many dreams have come and gone, many relationships, pleasant and confused, experiences of wild evenings on the streets of Porto, lost spirits on the cobblestone streets of Elvas, scars on my rib cage from the rocks of Sintra, wounds on my heart from resisting love’s invitation too many times to tell.
So many lives lived in such a short period of time. All contained in a memory of my mind.
The dream that is your life, the coming and going of your imagination..
One of my great curiosities in life is how one moment in time you don’t know a person, then you meet them, then you become friends, lovers, whatever the case maybe, a delineation in time.
Once your life was empty of this person and now they are a member of your memory, a part of your dream.
What a strange affair it is, to never have known a person, then to suddenly know them.
I tell you it is the strangest occurrence, if you take a moment to sit with it, to view a time before and a time after meeting whomever it may be.
What a dream.
There are times in my life when I try to reconcile my suffering, my confusion, when I seek to remove one way of being and to replace it with another, but that is a trick.
Off in the distance on the second level of the small port building 65 meters in front of me an old man just took a pee on the wall. Yesterday ten or so imported workers were sitting in that same spot in the morning. Later that afternoon a gypsy woman walked out of the same location.
And just now Jimmy the dog of the docks showed up at the cafe looking for a taste of something.
Life unfolds all around us all the time, even when alone in the nothingness of it all, even while writing in a café near a marina.
And so that mind of mine that wishes things were different, comes up with nonsense ideas to try to convince me it knows what we should be doing or what we should do next.
It is the most curious relationship you will ever have and that is the one with yourself and particularly with your own mind.
This may seem sideways as I say it, but the voice that tortures you is the same voice that tries to convince you it knows what you should be doing next, offering a remedy to the torturing thought that it is dragging you through.
That voice and I have been traveling together for however long we have been discussing life’s affairs.
So here we sit at a cafe in a gorgeous land, with an incredible view amongst so many lives being lived, doing the greatest work one can ever do for themselves, seeing through the mind’s lies.
There is no solution to life because life is beyond solutions and solving.
There’s simply an unfolding of experience and our relationship to it.
And yet…
I’ll save that for the next time I write to you.
Emeric
p.s. It’s been a while since I have shared with you. How are you doing?
p.p.s. I imagine you’ve lived through 1001 stories of your own, mysteries, absurdities, and such. I imagine you’ve come to a point in life that you too have realized that you are in a relationship with everything around you, including your relationship to your relationships.
Recently I put together the best material I have to take people through the experience of relating to the world in a way that is liberating and transformative and as true as one can tell. You can read more about it below.
It’s mostly nonsense yet it is somehow very true.
You can explore it here, my unfinished every growing masterpiece called Love Cheese and The Relationship Romp
Also, you can find a picture of Jimmy dog of the docks here…
p.p.s. If I ever get married or choose to have a lifelong partner or a short term partner, if I ever meet anyone who has trouble relating to other people, including their parents or children even if those children are adults, I would want them to go through the program I created, called the relationships romp and love cheese.
Actually if you are an adult or some semblance of an adult human being, I want you to go through Love Cheese and the Relationships Romp, because I am biased and I want more people in the world to understand their own innate incredible nature.
I can’t guarantee anything, but I think it will bring a lot of joy and awareness to your life and it will certainly bring more beauty to any and every relationship you have. But that is my opinion.
You can get it here within 10 minutes.
It’s not for everyone.
It’s opinionated, expensive ($370), and not backed by science or any expert opinion.
In fact it is almost 100% based on 50 years of me being alive and being a troublemaker.
However…
My experience is based on observations and truths that have been verified in conversation with too many people. I converse with everyone, and sometimes I get paid very well to do so.
But like I said. I guarantee nothing and I have a zero refund policy. Because I don’t like taking responsibility for things not working out well for other people. It’s your life! I trust you!
So, If you have 15 minutes a week and are bored and a bit lonely, then you will enjoy what I have for you.
Go here and in 10 minutes you will be on your way…
www.EmericDamian.com/Love-Romp
Finally…
I wrote a short story of a kind. My friends have been asking me to publish more of my material. I write every day. Anyways, if you would like to read it, reply to this message and I will send you a link to read it.